Recent research suggests stress exists inside habits that make up our daily lives. Studies say that instead of relying on quick tips, we should focus first on breaking habits that lead to negative outcomes. Once established, habits can be challenging to break, but one way to break them is to focus on how damaging they are. Here’s a three-step process experts offer.
Identify your negative habits. People develop habits to cope with stress that give them an immediate sense of reward but rarely provide long-term relief. That’s because they provide a temporary distraction from the negative stressor but fail to address it. Some habits actually have negative side effects. For example, habitually looking at matters beyond your control can leave you more stressed than focusing on the present matters you can control. The worst habits are ones that create more tension. Oftentimes people dwell on what could go wrong and a host of other “what-ifs,” and wind up feeling even more stress. Studies show that just being aware of these habits can make you less stressed.
Change your thinking about what’s rewarding. The strongest habits are the ones you think are the most rewarding. But what you find rewarding can change. Once you identify your stress-based habits, stop and think about them when they occur. If you’re stressed about the future, note how that makes you feel, and how it hampers your work. Moments of apprehension are opportunities to see how those moments make you feel and how they lead to unwanted behaviors, such as diminishing your productivity or making you lose your patience with another person. Instead, prioritize putting boundaries on activities that cause unwanted emotions, and take more breaks to recharge during the workday.
Create new habits. Abandoning negative-focused habits leaves space for new ones. Experts suggest confronting feelings of worry and stress with habitual responses, such as:
- Be curious. Instead of putting yourself down for being stressed or obsessing over where the worry is coming from, examine it. What does it feel like? Where do you feel it? How has it changed from when you first felt it?
- RAIN. Relax into the present moment. Accept it. Investigate your reactions—feelings, thoughts, sensations. Note what’s happening.
- Breathe. Breathe into the places where tension shows up, and breathe out any apprehension.
- Think loving and kind thoughts. Send kind, caring thoughts to others—and to yourself!—to create a feeling of warmth and peace.
- Take note. Consciously identify what’s going on, moment by moment—label your thoughts, feelings, and what you hear, see, touch, taste, and smell.
Then reinforce these habits by observing how good they make you feel.
